he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this hospital has no fireball
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
