There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
