so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
