I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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