woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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