I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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