We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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