I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
