i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
