I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
