this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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