I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
