where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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