the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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