this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
whose parrot is this?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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