You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
