Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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