hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
