you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
