So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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