I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
