I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
