My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
