Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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