The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
