if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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