I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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