id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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