Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
