I wish my penis had an off switch
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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