every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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