Kiss
Puke
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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