I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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