Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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