I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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