If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
