consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
