My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
