just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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