I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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