He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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