Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
