In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
