On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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