Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
