sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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