did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
