Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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