the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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