why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
