you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
