I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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