I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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