why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
