Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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