You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
