You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
