Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
