Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
last night I used snow as a chaser
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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